Photo by César Abner Martínez Aguilar on Unsplash

The Case of the Commingled Dildos

The Chief of Police of Austin came to visit with me. He was alarmed about some remarks I had made when trying a prostitution case. The purpose of his visit was to suggest that I recuse myself in all prostitution cases.

I shall not name the Chief, but like several I worked with, I considered him a good man. I told him that if I only heard criminal cases based on laws I could endorse, my work day would be very short.

Do I not have daughters, he asked?

I do. Two of them. The usual case involves a hand job, a “happy ending,” at the end of what they call a FBSM — -“full body sensual massage.” I would rather my kids not do FBSMs, but it would be less dangerous than midnight cashier at a convenience store.

I would rather my sons not have that cashier gig or anything else involving money or — as I am watching now — -the destruction of priceless art.

Young folks have limited choices and I’m proud of the ones my kids have made. It does not follow that I’m willing to put young folks in jail who did the best they could.

Lest you accuse me of trafficking in click bait, I should add that the commingled dildos were far from the weirdest case I heard. That would be a case a Pawnee lawyer friend defended involving a comic book that depicted a human woman having sex with a tree.

I kept asking him…